About Me

My wonderful husband died when I was 44 years old. Being widowed this young happens to less than 3% of married people. Writing through this loss one word at time helps me understand what I've lost and helps me continue to grow. It is how I have gradually recovered from such a severe loss. Research shows that you can benefit from taking just 15 minutes a day to write out your deepest feelings as a way of healing. On the right side of this blog, you'll see a tag for Exercises to Try. If you need some help knowing how to use writing to help heal yourself, I suggest you start there.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Progress Examined Further

Progress?
Breath by breath,
shower by shower,
dish by dish,
skin sloughs off,
pain doesn't hurt as much anymore.
I don't want to say it:
You're becoming an abstraction,
where once I was in your orbit, solidly,
my life
without you
lacks gravity,
a center,
a home.
Your absence has become
its own revolution.
Your hand on mine
kept me solidly on earth.
I won't forget that
as I drift away, spinning, searching,
no longer held by your heavenly body.
Without your weight, I'm shrinking.
No one can hear me when I call your name
inside myself; it echoes.
I am getting smaller and smaller.

This is progress.
In your absence, skinned, weightless, lessened,
I rise and shine. I bounce.

1 comment:

Suddenwidow said...

Hi Jill,
Thanks for commenting on my blog. I'm happy you have led my to your blog! I like your poem. It really sums up the reality we're living. Life is less without our wonderful husbands.

I can also relate to the family picture post. The three of us had our picture taken casually a couple of times in the summer and it felt so wrong to me. I haven't been able to look at the pictures yet. But you've inspired me to start accepting that we are a family, despite the fact that we're now one less. Maybe this Christmas we'll take another picture and I'll actually look at it, and be grateful for what I still have.

I look forward to reading your future posts.

Debbie