About Me

My wonderful husband died when I was 44 years old. Being widowed this young happens to less than 3% of married people. Writing through this loss one word at time helps me understand what I've lost and helps me continue to grow. It is how I have gradually recovered from such a severe loss. Research shows that you can benefit from taking just 15 minutes a day to write out your deepest feelings as a way of healing. On the right side of this blog, you'll see a tag for Exercises to Try. If you need some help knowing how to use writing to help heal yourself, I suggest you start there.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

How To Love a Dead Husband, Five Years Gone

The purpose of this blog, The Heartbreak Diary, is to encourage people to write about their loss as a part of their recovery plan. Today's exercise asks you to create a brief, bullet-point list of how to love your dead spouse. Depending on your own unique circumstances, the lists will differ from person to person. I'd love to see your list! So quick...without too much thinking...give me fifteen ways to love the one who died.

Here's mine:

1. Think about him often.

2. Tell stories about him to anyone, even strangers.

3. See him in your children and then tell the children what you see.

4. Learn from your relationship, and even if it was an excellent one, as ours was, pledge to do even better the next time, if you're lucky enough to have a next time.

5. Really live your life and try to leave behind self-doubt, guilt, anxiety and fear. Live for him. Live for the life he had cut short. Live in honor of him. Live as well as you can so that you can teach his children that life is great (even when you lose big.)

6. Laugh alot.

7. Honor your good health, mental and physical. Don't take your sound body and mind for granted. Exercise your body, your mind, and your emotions. (One way to exercise your emotions is to write about them.)

8. Remember how he loved you and love yourself that way.

9. Write about him.

10. Listen to music he loved. Read books he loved. Do activities he loved.

11. Honor his values.

12. Love his parents and siblings and other relatives.

13. Try to get something positive out of a loss this huge. Try to live a better life.

14. Love life.

15. Remember your love and let it guide you to better days.


Anonymous said...

1. I would love to fight with him right now and tell him how mad I am at him for leaving me.
2. I would ask why?? Just why??
3. I would ask him why he chose me?
4. I would ask him who he will choose next.
5.I would tell him that even though I am mad at him right now, I forgive and let him go!

Jill Schacter said...

Thanks for this honest and heartfelt list! You have inspired me to think about some questions I have, and to write about them.

Brokenhearted said...

I would tell him how much I miss him. I know he didn't leave willingly. He fought cancer until the bitter, bitter end. I have no anger towards him, only love. I love him so much. He's been gone for 7 months and 20 days. I wouldn't ask him why, as it was not his choice. I do, however, question God. And I believe God should be big enough to handle it. I miss him so much.

Tangie said...

I would tell him that I love and miss him so much!! I would ask him why did he leave us. I would tell him that he is the only man I ever loved. I would tell him thanks for loving me with all his heart and protecting me and our children. I would tell him that our kids miss and love him so much!! I would tell him thank you for being a great father and husband. I would tell him that I will never be the same without him. I would ask him to please continue to watch over us from Heaven like he did on earth.

Jill Schacter said...

Thank you for writing it out!

bloggeraesha said...

I would tell him that i shall always love him
I will ask him to send me signs
I would ask him whether he is alright and happy on the other side
I will try to smile more often

bloggeraesha said...

I would tell him that i shall always love him
I will ask him to send me signs
I would ask him whether he is alright and happy on the other side
I will try to smile more often