About Me

My wonderful husband died when I was 44 years old. Being widowed this young happens to less than 3% of married people. Writing through this loss one word at time helps me understand what I've lost and helps me continue to grow. It is how I have gradually recovered from such a severe loss. Research shows that you can benefit from taking just 15 minutes a day to write out your deepest feelings as a way of healing. On the right side of this blog, you'll see a tag for Exercises to Try. If you need some help knowing how to use writing to help heal yourself, I suggest you start there.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

You're Gone. You're Here.

I journal a lot about loss. The pain goes into the writing so the happiness and joy can exist out in the world. For me, writing has been my #1 tool for easing the pain of grief.

I don't care if I'm writing gibberish, random phrases, single words, stories, memories, poetry, fears or dreams. Getting the thoughts out on paper is what helps me. I just commit to sitting there with my journal, try not judge what comes out, and write for at least 30 minutes. Often one thought leads to another, and sometimes even poetry eventually comes out.

The other day I was thinking about whether or not I'm ready to "let Ken go". I was ruminating on how joyful it is to be in a new relationship, but how sad it is that Ken has to be dead and missing everything here in the world. I decided that whatever it means to let go of him, I'm not there yet. All that musing led to this poem:


I'm not letting you go
You are still needed,
still giving, still providing.
Still. So still.

I'm not letting you go
I could listen to you talk endlessly,
further, deeper, more.
We have movement
but he's got staying power

Still, I'm not letting you go
until we stop moving forward,
stop laughing,
stop talking.
I can't imagine it.
Still, it might happen.

I won't let you go.
I'll let him slip and fade
If that's what has to be.

You can stay. You can go.
We're moving toward each other
in a room, in a house, in a city
in a new life.

I'm with you
While I'm here in this coffee shop.
You're not here.
I'm still with you.
He's still with me too.

He's still.

You and me?
We're moving.
I'm going with you.
He's gone. He's staying here too.

1 comment:

Boo said...

this is such a heartfelt poem. I get it. I love it <3