About Me

My wonderful husband died when I was 44 years old. Being widowed this young happens to less than 3% of married people. Writing through this loss one word at time helps me understand what I've lost and helps me continue to grow. It is how I have gradually recovered from such a severe loss. Research shows that you can benefit from taking just 15 minutes a day to write out your deepest feelings as a way of healing. On the right side of this blog, you'll see a tag for Exercises to Try. If you need some help knowing how to use writing to help heal yourself, I suggest you start there.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

One Good Cry

I had the best cry today. Truly.

While registering my son for another session of swimming I bumped into a former colleague of Ken's. They had worked for 18 years together at the same child welfare organization. She is one of the kindest-hearted people I have ever met.

Today she told me that after 24 years, she's retired from the organization. She told me that at her retirement party, she spoke of all the people who had come and gone from the organization during that time, and about Ken, one of her mentors, who is gone for good.

 At that point she teared up. And so did I. Can I tell you how wonderful it was to have a good cry with someone who was missing Ken, someone who knew how wonderful he was, someone he had touched with his good nature and wisdom, someone who had lost a friend who was my husband?

Six years after you lose your spouse, you really shouldn't be spending too many days crying about your loss. But today it felt so good to remember him with someone else who loved him, who misses him, and who knows what a good man the world lost six years ago. Sometimes I miss my tears.

That was one good cry.


Ruth said...

Sometimes I feel like those unexpected tears are such a gift.

Mommy 2 DustySky said...

you do not know me but I stop by once in a while to read, my husband died 4 months ago and I cry every day. When I read your words "Six years after you lose your spouse, you really shouldn't be spending too many days crying about your loss" I have to wonder is that really true?? I am 38 and my husband was 46. I hope that in 6 years I will not feel like a shell filled with tears. Thank you for your blog - I enjoy reading it.

Jill Schacter said...

Thank you for stopping by and for commenting now. I am very sorry for your loss. It takes such a long time to heal, but I do feel like I am happy again. I remember feeling as though I could not possibly be anywhere close to happiness again when my loss was just new like yours, and even for quite a long time afterward. But I do think I always allowed myself to see flashes of hope along the way, and that helped. The balance has shifted for me. Now the flashes are the sadness, and gratitude and appreciation for life are stronger than ever. Thank you so much for reading!

Radiant_Being said...

I love coming by and reading your words. A year was just celebrated -- well, probably not celebrated -but noted. I write about my friends loss: A Year --- http://1elocution.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/a-year-4/

Jill Schacter said...

What a great gift of friendship you've given. I found when I lost my husband that unexpected people stepped up to help in bigger ways than I would have imagined. It really showed me how much support is out there if you're willing to accept it.